PARENTING CONFLICTS AND CHOICES

Do you know someone or are you having parenting conflicts in the home?  This can be stressful, exhausting and downright painful.    Don't despair there are solutions.   We recently had a parenting conflict in our home that has sent me in a tailspin.   The big part is that I had a similar conflict with my oldest daughter's father and it turned out to be quite a nightmare (which of course brings up a lot of my insecurities).   The big question is what to do about it?   I have done some research and found some very enlightening info.   But, now what to do with it?   The first thing that has to happen is that both parents must be willing to enroll whole heartedly in the process, this is easier said then done.   I am usually the one who is left to resolve the conflict, while the other parent continues on in the usual manner (which basically is a band aid not a cure).   Well I am going to tell you flat out, THIS DOES NOT WORK!  You both need to be involved.

So step one, get the other parent on board (this must be done very carefully).   I recently read an article in working mom magazine and the counselor that was interviewed said that men can feel very insecure and defensive in this area as child raising is not a natural instinct for them, but with women it is easier to have this conversation ( of course do it without blame and with respect)   Arm yourself with as much info as possible and present it to other parent.   Never, put blame on the other or make accusations.   Just point out the need for a change from both of you (this takes away the "it's all your fault issue")  and discuss ways you can both make changes to develop better parenting skills (and reduce stress on your relationship).

Some very helpful places to start are: Love and logic (awesome program and they do seminars around the country and have books too) http://www.loveandlogic.com/.   I also like Dr. Wayne Dyer he has alot of great books about parenting and also books for children (this puts them in control and accountable for their actions). http://www.waynedyer.com/ Which can help ease the stress for you and the child/children.

The biggest part and most important step is to be honest with your spouse and allow them to do the same, you will both make mistakes along the way, be forgiving and supportive.   Develope a game plan together and help each other stick to it in a possitive manner.   Keep communication open and honest, but most importantly BE POSITIVE!   Parenting doesn't have to be a chore, it can be a very fun and fulfilling experience for parent and child.

Be sure and take time for each other, as parenting is very draining and you both deserve a break.

Enjoy!

Jacqui Allen